"Weight For Me"

I do not mean to sound chauvinistic in this post but we all know dat dis weight issue affects women more so don’t come asking for my head on a plate bcos ur raging oestrogen levels have hit the roof ok? Ur Not getting my head…………only if u ask politely J

Weight gain, the scourge of well-to-do families and nations alike, such as the U.S and our beloved Naija. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen but more towards the ladies, you’ve been scared of me approaching the topic, yes you don’t want me to remind you that you r “tipping 400 on the pounds scale” as my friend L.W. would say.

Go on, Have a Big Mac and a cheeseburger with an ice cream sundae to go, or better yet walk over to Wamise and order Indomie and egg (3 by 2) and then have the audacity to order Diet coke afterwards. I still laugh at the image playing in my head, each time i remember the culprits who were spotted in the act.

It’s ironic that while we take precaution against all forms of mishap that may come our way, we fail to notice d one staring us right in the face, our body weight. It starts by killing off ur social life before killing eventually through a heart attack via arteries clogged with fat.

There are 2 types of weight I would like to discuss today and they are:

College weight: Also referred to as the Fresh man Fifteen, It might seem like a myth until u look at your freshman I.D card or photos again and compare it to recent Facebook profile pics. Yeah? Notice the second chin that wasn’t present in that freshman pic? Yes, notice the extra bounce, the tidal flesh wave that ripples through ur hips, butt and belly as u take a step towards d cafeteria Yup, it’s said dat incoming freshmen can expect to gain 5, 10, 15 or more pounds by the end of their first year which is good for some but when it gets outta control, well I guess we have the you of today to look at J
Those of u who use food and drink to socialize beware, all those bouts of midnight snacking, Pizza parties, 15 bottles of beer at one sitting. Sounds familiar? Yes? Anyways, guys pls don’t blame anyone when you can’t have one on one convos with Mr. P again because u can’t see him because ur tummy is in the fucking way.

 Several studies show that college students eventually gain the freshman fifteen, due to poor eating habits, high stress levels, and inactive lifestyle or as we like to call it, “Chillin mode”

For those of u fortunate to be in relationships, we’ve got something for you too, yes you guessed right, it’s called relationship weight, if u think I’m lying, check ur weight compared to when u were a sad loner and now dat u radiate happiness on the outside even tho u r dying slowly on the inside. It’s not hard to believe especially when food is used to bond these days, u hardly ever hear ppl say “hey I’m going to the gym and was wondering if you cud come” and its considered as a date. Of course there are other causes of  R/ship weight but I think I’ll let u decipher what sperm weight means anyways, moving on.

U can deceive urself by proclaiming that ur bf is great, He is not  harsh because he says stuff like "I love you no matter ur size, so dont break a sweat to please me" 
I’m pretty sure it never crosses your mind that he wants make you feel good about urself.  If he really loved you he’d drop undermining subliminal comments about your expanding waistline says “T” my friend.

If you and ur bf/gf have an honest desire to lose weight, then stop centering your couple's time around food. It might seem like a convenient excuse to shy away from paying for a nice dinner guys but it’s not. you’d be a giant douche bag if u do that but anywaiz u get the point.

“T” says” To save the hassle of getting a gym membership or eating disorder just get with a guy who’s into chubby chicks” or for guys, just have lots of cash J .

Eventually, the point of this my crappy rant is LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT! Or stop it from piling up. U become dead weight to ur friends and are ostracized socially. Even if they don’t do it out rightly, u don’t have to be naive. Add a heart attack to this and u shud be getting the full gist of my rant by now.

P.S. Im not narcissistic and i don't have sand in my vagina ok? i do not have a vagina either (Inside jokes)

Cheers