:P

Ok so u bitches better follow me on twitter, dont gat much time for this, its @WierdSirra my tweets aren't protected. Cheers :)

Immortality or no?

All ye that Seeketh eternal life would do well to read this first :) http://www.cracked.com/article_18708_5-reasons-immortality-would-be-worse-than-death.html

Now you see me, Now u dont :)

Rotimi chases a screaming Mustapha around the house with his dick out to further affirm Musty’s taunts of him being a fag. Though she tries so hard to hide it, Deola struggles in vain to assure herself that she is at least somewhat sexy since her bet with Kolo wasn’t going her way at all. By now, Kolo was down to boxer shorts alone and still no sign of any forthcoming erection. She moves to mount Maina and then Musty before giving up eventually, which lead to the conclusion that we were either all fags or she just wasn’t sexy enough, we all went with the latter.

The music blasts loudly on the deck, Rekiya is done with watching season one of 90210 on my laptop and proceeds to give me a wall grinding. Maina laughs at the frustration etched on my face, seeing as I was almost squatting just to get some booty contact due to me being 6 ft and she being 5’7. She later decides it would be better if we both sat down instead and does it ever so slowly and seductively to my delight and to spite Rotimi as well since they had a little fight earlier in the day. Aisha wiggles her nearly invisible ass in front of us. Luckily for her, what she lacked in the rear, she overcompensates for with those bazookas shooting out in front, her friend Tolu is on the way and we hope to God she does not bring Diane or Mother Goose as we like to call her behind her back. She is quite simply one of the fugliest chicks u will ever see, May God forgive me J

It’s a typical day at the “Headquarters” as I like to refer to it. The house belonged to 3 of my friends who had not graduated yet for different reasons. It’s always a full house with guys or girls who’ve either had spillover courses preventing them from graduating or are just looking for where to chill. It’s a 3 bedroom that’s a walking distance from the university’s campus itself and its where ive been for the past month and a half. I just got home recently cuz I was out of cash and the school is empty due to the mid semester break. I’ll be back there as soon as it’s over, seeing as freshers will be in excess on the campus around this Post UME time.

Lost my BB.

Just chilling for the damn NYSC thingy so I can get It over with and hopefully have a headquarters of my own soon enough.  Still thinking of LilMissA ç(Alien, this one’s for u if u reading thisJ. Make her read this and update me. I’ll send my number once I get a 3310 J and im not coming to Lagos anytime soon, it’ll have to waitJ)

Just thought I should let y’all know im not dead, for those of u who might be wondering, Life’s too short to spend on social networks, Get out there.

Later.

Post G

OFFICIALLY A POST G!!!

Tick tock :)

"Now listen to me baby…Oh! Oh! Oh… before I luv n leave u… Oh! Oh! Oh… they call me heartbreaker… Oh! Oh! Oh… i don’t wanna deceive u" I’m only gonna break break ur break break break ur heart - Taio Cruz

Yes, so graduation is on Sunday, 3 days away, and all of a sudden evry1 is being nice to me and wanting to have a chat with me, evry 1 tells me how much they’ll miss me and  how sad they are at my departure….well that’s bullshit ppl, u go thru all the stages of ur life experience with some1 and it is only at his or her departure that the person’s importance to u becomes eminent, they say u don’t know what u’ve got until u’ve lost it, one wud have thot that by now ppl wud have learned to apply the morale of that message to their daily lives. No one seems to have time for ppl these days, the days of being friendly to everyone have been erased by the advent of the social ladder…”OMG! I heard ur leaving us, that’s so sad, life is not fair” Hogshit! Bullshit! Dogshit!. Take ur sentiment and shove it up ur ass! I don’t need it, why wud I need it now dat I’m exiting this bitch? Anyways on the flipside, it’s always nice to know that a few ppl cared about ur existence as a friend once said to me and I agree “ It’s better to be Infamous than to be unknown” Any publicity, even negative is better than social oblivion. I’m not ranting or being personal as some of u may begin to assume, the reverse is even the case, got too many friends everywhere that I don’t even need. I’m just saying make the most of what u’ve got now b4 it’s gone. Girls, don’t wait until dat boy is graduating before u tell him dat u have fancied him for a while. Boys, grow some balls, stop toying with that girl, if she really likes u, don’t waste time, grow some tumor in ur balls or better yet jus grow some balls and act fast…time waits for no one

Its Graduation weekend for me baybee!!!! Can’t wait for Sunday, B.Sc (Business Administration (Management) from the American University of Nigeria.  I’m getting my gown and hat today and I’ll be outta here by Tuesday morning.

Cheers J

Back from the dead

Vampires: the undead, humans brought back from the realm of the dead to feed on us humans. Im pretty sure that breath of air they take in once they punch a hole through the earth is exhilarating, it gives back that life which had previously been taken from them. It is an uplifting feeling.

Hercules or Herakles and the messenger-god Hermes had done it several times. Orpheus, Perseus (clash of the titans 2010 movie) did so as well. Their conquests into the dark reaches of the underworld have been the stuff of myths and legends and today, I proudly announce my induction into the pantheon of underworld conquerors and esteemed creatures of the night.

Energized, That is how I feel right now , initially destined for academic Hades, after being selected for suspension pending the test results upon my apprehension for possession of illegal substances, I conquered the 3 headed dog Cerberus that was the disciplinary committee by testing NEGATIVE  and made my way back to earth with a raised head, thumping my chest.

Once again, I remain a Post G, No more under G. God and his army of female Spartan angels were definitely there to see me thru. Big ups to the G upstairs, I’m ultimately grateful.

Cheers J

No more Under G

And so the grades came in and he thus pronounced himself no longer an Under G but a Post G, all that remained was the crappy ceremony to seal the deal :)
Cheers

Monopoly

Ahhh monopoly, my most favorite board game ever. Time consuming yet time well wasted, a game of luck and strategy. I love to start by buying up the three gray colored houses next to the jail and building hotels or gaining control of all the airports or railroad stations. I love calculating all my moves based on the probability of rolling a seven on the dice. But most of all, I just love it when ur bankrupt and even after transferring all ur property to me, u still have to leave the game. So cool. So fucking cool .

According to the world’s most personalized dictionary, Wikipedia, "monopoly (from Greek monos / μονος (alone or single) + polein / πωλειν (to sell)) exists when a specific individual or an enterprise has sufficient control over a particular product or service to determine significantly the terms on which other individuals shall have access to it. Monopolies are thus characterized by a lack of economic competition for the good or service that they provide and a lack of viable substitute goods. The verb "monopolize" refers to the process by which a firm gains persistently greater market share than what is expected under perfect competition. It’s also the most commercially-successful board game in United States history, with 485 million players worldwide"

Wow! having ur way regardless of what’s expected under perfect competition must be cool. I get an intellectual boner just by thinking of it. Isn’t that just cool?

But, for now I’m so fucking pissed. Wamise is a monopoly and thus sees it fit to sell crap at exorbitant prices, u can’t afford to call me a cheapskate just because I’m ranting about stuff like this. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. It’s the same thing with AUN’s crappy service, offering shitty levels of service quality for increasingly exorbitant prices. Why? Because they are a fucking monopoly. It prides itself on being the only private university offering American style education (or not) in sub Saharan West Africa… crap crap crap.

Like the board game the only way out is to either leave the game or get ur own monopoly(ies). I can’t wait to graduate, and then start up my own crappy monopolistic institution. Don’t really care what it will be but it must be shitloads of fun being the only provider of a good or service. Ur customers may rant their hearts out but it doesn’t matter shit to you because in the end, they all come back. (Now O.O, becos I know ur reading this, this is what u call a personal post). May 16 2010 here I come; May God and his army of female Spartan angels see me through to that day, Amen.

"Weight For Me"

I do not mean to sound chauvinistic in this post but we all know dat dis weight issue affects women more so don’t come asking for my head on a plate bcos ur raging oestrogen levels have hit the roof ok? Ur Not getting my head…………only if u ask politely J

Weight gain, the scourge of well-to-do families and nations alike, such as the U.S and our beloved Naija. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen but more towards the ladies, you’ve been scared of me approaching the topic, yes you don’t want me to remind you that you r “tipping 400 on the pounds scale” as my friend L.W. would say.

Go on, Have a Big Mac and a cheeseburger with an ice cream sundae to go, or better yet walk over to Wamise and order Indomie and egg (3 by 2) and then have the audacity to order Diet coke afterwards. I still laugh at the image playing in my head, each time i remember the culprits who were spotted in the act.

It’s ironic that while we take precaution against all forms of mishap that may come our way, we fail to notice d one staring us right in the face, our body weight. It starts by killing off ur social life before killing eventually through a heart attack via arteries clogged with fat.

There are 2 types of weight I would like to discuss today and they are:

College weight: Also referred to as the Fresh man Fifteen, It might seem like a myth until u look at your freshman I.D card or photos again and compare it to recent Facebook profile pics. Yeah? Notice the second chin that wasn’t present in that freshman pic? Yes, notice the extra bounce, the tidal flesh wave that ripples through ur hips, butt and belly as u take a step towards d cafeteria Yup, it’s said dat incoming freshmen can expect to gain 5, 10, 15 or more pounds by the end of their first year which is good for some but when it gets outta control, well I guess we have the you of today to look at J
Those of u who use food and drink to socialize beware, all those bouts of midnight snacking, Pizza parties, 15 bottles of beer at one sitting. Sounds familiar? Yes? Anyways, guys pls don’t blame anyone when you can’t have one on one convos with Mr. P again because u can’t see him because ur tummy is in the fucking way.

 Several studies show that college students eventually gain the freshman fifteen, due to poor eating habits, high stress levels, and inactive lifestyle or as we like to call it, “Chillin mode”

For those of u fortunate to be in relationships, we’ve got something for you too, yes you guessed right, it’s called relationship weight, if u think I’m lying, check ur weight compared to when u were a sad loner and now dat u radiate happiness on the outside even tho u r dying slowly on the inside. It’s not hard to believe especially when food is used to bond these days, u hardly ever hear ppl say “hey I’m going to the gym and was wondering if you cud come” and its considered as a date. Of course there are other causes of  R/ship weight but I think I’ll let u decipher what sperm weight means anyways, moving on.

U can deceive urself by proclaiming that ur bf is great, He is not  harsh because he says stuff like "I love you no matter ur size, so dont break a sweat to please me" 
I’m pretty sure it never crosses your mind that he wants make you feel good about urself.  If he really loved you he’d drop undermining subliminal comments about your expanding waistline says “T” my friend.

If you and ur bf/gf have an honest desire to lose weight, then stop centering your couple's time around food. It might seem like a convenient excuse to shy away from paying for a nice dinner guys but it’s not. you’d be a giant douche bag if u do that but anywaiz u get the point.

“T” says” To save the hassle of getting a gym membership or eating disorder just get with a guy who’s into chubby chicks” or for guys, just have lots of cash J .

Eventually, the point of this my crappy rant is LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT! Or stop it from piling up. U become dead weight to ur friends and are ostracized socially. Even if they don’t do it out rightly, u don’t have to be naive. Add a heart attack to this and u shud be getting the full gist of my rant by now.

P.S. Im not narcissistic and i don't have sand in my vagina ok? i do not have a vagina either (Inside jokes)

Cheers

My 262nd Tweet

Finals coming up soon yet southpark s13 wnt let me study..ahh #fuckit I wasnt goin to study much anyways :)

I Write

I write for the liberation of a nation,

for celebration and jubilation,

for integration and not differentiation,

for the eradication of poverty and corruption.

I write for passion and not compulsion,

I paint with words and not emulsion,

I write with graveness and a bit of derision,

on issues abound, no discrimination.

I write for hope and illumination,

In times of darkness, despair and depression,

I write for posterity and emancipation,

from boredom and eternal damnation.

TGIGF >>Thank God Its Good Friday:

Good Friday, a number of things make this a good friday for me. They include:

1. The fact that i'm still alive and breathing after the multitude of sinful words, thoughts and actions executed over the past decade.

2. The fact that a certain Benevolent Diety assumed human form, chose to be humiliated and scorned by entities which he could destroy in the blink of an eye, and eventually died so that said entities may not suffer for their sins at the hands of a Malevolent Diety. I'm grateful.

3. Meal tickets are back, No more hunger packs for me :)

Cheers

Agony Uncle #2

Alright!!! So in good faith, some of u were kind enough to share with us some of the stuff that’s been bothering ur wonderful minds. We gladly appreciate the opportunity to play shrink anytime and encourage you to keep ‘em coming.  Here’s what we’ve got thus far:

Q. Dear L.W, I’m roommates with a girl who has every problem in the book she’s a slob, smoker and alcoholic amongst other things. She generally has an annoying attitude and I don’t think talking will do much good. What to do. - Disgusted Jane

A. Switch roommates its that simple.

Q. Dear L.W, my roommate is this evangelical Christian brother who stays up all night reading the Bible and trying to convert me from my sinful ways. He is kind of overbearing and authoritative and I don’t know how to tell him off without seeming like I’m disrespecting religion. - Pissed off Michael

A. Tell him you respect his religion but he cannot force it on you, and that if he was indeed a true Christian he should understand that.

Q. Dear L.W, I’m currently faced with a big dilemma, on one hand, there’s this guy whose kinda the hidden bad boy type, The kind of stuff that’s good for fantasies and ish however I have a bf already but he’s been trying to seduce me since and I don’t want to do anything to piss of my current boyfriend cuz I really like him, Help! – Confused Amy

A. If you really fantasize about this guy, you should go for it. Your boyfriend does not have to know, you are young now you only get to do this now. On the other hand you should beware and try not to let your boyfriend know. So you have your boyfriend and have also fulfilled your fantasy. It’s a win-win.

Q. Dear L. W, there is a girl I used to like but I’ve lost the flame for and now I’ve seen her with another guy and I still get a little pissed any ideas on how to stop this? - Disturbed Dan

A. Dear Disturbed, you either forget about the girl or move on, or if you really like her you should approach her and make a move, she might just feel the same way about you. You never know until you try.

Q. Dear L.W, I’m stuck between two boys one is sweet cute caring and all and the other is more like the kind of guy I wud want, what should I do?. - Confused M

A. Dear confused, you should go for the guy that you really want because you could settle for mr cute and caring and still not be happy.

GeekRant Issue #3

Aight so today I'm going to rant about the ever so serious issue of abortion. It is a serious issue which.....Psyche!!! Its April fool's day, I'm not ranting about anything. I'd rather whet ur intellectual appetites with 20 quotes from the prince himself, Macchiavelli.

1. A prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promise. 

2. A return to first principles in a republic is sometimes caused by the simple virtues of one man. His good example has such an influence that the good men strive to imitate him, and the wicked are ashamed to lead a life so contrary to his example. 

3. A son can bear with equanimity the loss of his father, but the loss of his inheritance may drive him to despair.
4. A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interests. 
5. Before all else, be armed. 

6. Benefits should be conferred gradually; and in that way they will taste better. 
7. Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage. 
8. For among other evils caused by being disarmed, it renders you contemptible; which is one of those disgraceful things which a prince must guard against. 
9. God is not willing to do everything, and thus take away our free will and that share of glory which belongs to us.  
10. Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. 
11. He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command. 

12. Hence it comes about that all armed Prophets have been victorious, and all unarmed Prophets have been destroyed. 

13. I'm not interested in preserving the status quo; I want to overthrow it. 
14. If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. 

15. It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. 

16. It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver. 

17. It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved. 

18. It is necessary for him who lays out a state and arranges laws for it to presuppose that all men are evil and that they are always going to act according to the wickedness of their spirits whenever they have free scope.  
19. It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles. 

20. Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions.  www.brainyquote.com

Agony Uncle #1: L.W is going to solve your problems

Saw this on Platform and decided to do the same here.

Some of you have problems you’d rather not discuss with friends, family or anyone you know for that matter and that’s why you send in those problems to the Dear Sarah or Dear Betty columns in newspapers. These columns are known as Agony Aunt or Agony Uncle Columns.

On WierdScript, when these problems arise, we turn to the controversial, edgy, uniquely dressed, attention seeking, paper rockstar L.W to answer our questions. His advice is so good, blunt and 100% guaranteed to lift your spirits…or Not but anyways, it is SOoo good that it would be unfair not to share his knowledge and experience with you, the lucky readers.

Here’s how it works:

Questions are asked anonymously with an emotional signature left behind e.g My roommate never likes to share but always loves to get stuff – Angry Johnny or My BF stares at other babes too much – Jealous Jennifer.

Shoutout from L.W himself:

" Be yourself cuz life is too short to be anyone else”

Please mail all your problems, nude pics and emotional turmoil “anonymously” to this mail!  tremojika@gmail.com.

P.S. It is said that dolphins cry blood at the sound of L.W’s voice. :)

In search of H

Twas the fifth of the seven moons again and they began the search for H, the unholy grail, they started off in Indomie Village just north of the Main land characterized by the alphabet hills and Volpee mountains. The night was still a child and they began making preparations to ensure that they found H. Sir Lancelot, Sir Rocketboots and Esquire Froggy, all Knights and esquire of the High Table respectively, were up to the task.
They get on their giant white horse Dibus, which they had won after defeating the legendary dragon named Skoolfis, and set off towards the mainland so that Rocketboots could pick up his lady. Swords sheathed and armor shining in the moonlight; they disembark and make their way to the CC hill where Sir Rocket boots fair lady was to be found. He goes into the castle and emerges later with his lady, clad wonderfully in scarlet robes and shoes. He then looks at his map and suggests that they tread towards the EE hills to meet a certain Sage by the name of Nadroj, as he was considered wise in the ways of getting to the unholy grail.
Rocketboots emerges from castle EE with the news that the unholy grail was currently being guarded by a Mysterious beast names Beegee and that its new lair was somewhere between the Indomie village and the mainland. And so the knights alongside the lady and the esquire move to mount Dibus back to towards the Indomie Village.
On the return journey, they encounter the mysterious dancer D and her friend the fierce, warrior princess T who also happened to be on the same mission. As they traverse the land, they find no lair in sight but what they do find assures them that the sage knew what he was talking about. It was a piece of the unholy grail, white and cuboid in shape, glistening in the sand. However there were no signs of human or beastly activity in the area. The group then proceeded towards Indomie village. Rocketboots was busy getting enchanted by his scarlet princess so Lancelot and the rest of the group moved somewhere else to further explore the fascinating properties of this legendary item.
A few incantations with fire showed them where the rest of the grail was to be found but unfortunately their journey to the place where H was, would take more than a day and more people. So they waited a day.

The truth about girls and assholes

The age-old myth that girls like assholes is bogus. Girls don't "like" assholes. Girls love assholes, in the same way that guys love guns and fast cars. It's a power/control thing. Girls use assholes as target practice for their skills of manipulation and seduction. Defeating assholes is a hobby for girls. It's a game to them. They find an asshole and do whatever slutty behavior is necessary to break down his defenses and cause him to surrender to her bidding in the name of lust.

Sometimes you hear about a girl falling for an asshole. That's because the girl fails to tear down his asshole shield. So, like the stubborn person she is, she refuses to surrender in a fleeting attempt to change him. Eventually she gets bored of his prick facade and falls in love with him because she has nothing better to do. Around that time, he loses the mystery, she no longer gets turned on by him, he's no longer attracted to her because she keeps trying to fucking change him, and her little game ends in a stale mate. As in, the mating gets stale. Then hopefully they both die in a car wreck.
Culled from Ninjapirate....

Paraphernalia....seriously? Lol

I entered into a spelling bee contest yesterday and I lost. I lost because apparently the word "paraphernalia" has two "r"'s instead of one. Haunted by the word since my eviction, I decided to check out the varying descriptions and definitions of the word. According to the world's best student handbook Wikipedia, "In modern usage, the word paraphernalia most commonly refers to equipment, apparatus, or furnishing used in or necessary for a particular activity as in, "Beth is such an avid sports fan that her walls are covered with baseball paraphernalia". I have thus interpreted paraphernalia to mean an equipment of any kind for any purpose. I'm over the word now and seeing as I've got hunger packs or six packs dat result from morning hunger, I'm off to get me some feeding paraphernalia :)
Cheers

On Friday Night

Its Friday night and we’re off to fire service to celebrate K’s 18th, we BB the girls who are making their hair when its night, fifteen minutes after eight to be exact, something we could really not give a shit about since it was already dark.
Say something timbo ft drake blasts on the car stereo.
8: 25 We purchase a few drinks, Carlo Rossi and Don Simon for the ladies, Red label for the boys with a roll of plastic cups to go. A Man in an Avensis car spots us with the liquor and asks where the party was at, probly one of those game less bachelors that had money but still needed us to act as pimps for him regardless. We would have readily obliged his offer because these men are always ready to drop cash but the problem was the girls. There were doubts in our mind that they would able to shake some money off him and get away with their dignity intact but Anyways………….
We move on in search of the perfect suya and find alongside it, a variation of it named Kilo. However, we had to wait a bit for it to be prepared. The wait for the suya was agonizing, truncated only by d convo I was having with this chick I just added on my BB msgr. Naija chick based in Kumasi, Ghana. Suya finally arrives and we head to Fire service.
Arriving at fire service a few minutes later, we hastily search for a cool spot, seeing as it was operating at full capacity and there were hardly any chairs or good spaces left. The tree next to the wall provides good ambiance as we set up a table for ourselves and the girls who were yet to come.
Fast forward>>>>>>> 6 calls, 2 BB messages, 2 bottles of beer and four plates of isi ewu (antelope head) later, and the girls are nowhere to be found. It starts feeling like being stood up by the pretty girl for being a geeky kid. Tempers flare and we regret not coming an hour late as I suggested earlier (It’s the manly thing to do). Rambo equates this situation to when his family is getting prepared to go to church on Sunday. His sister and mother always have to have their bath after everyone is dressed, sitting in the car and set to go. This of course throws the dad in to a fit of anger and their only defense is that they were in the kitchen all morning.
9:45 we’re pissed and we’re off to silver motel where we bring out the drinks to allay our anger. Rambo suggests we leave before they get there cuz all they’ll do is give him a hug and a peck and cry in their whiny voice and everything will be alright. But no, he wishes to place them on a guilt trip all week. A Drifter soon arrives asking us for someone we know doesn’t exist so he could join our table and share drinks. He is politely shooed away like a fly.
The girls finally arrive all dolled up and shit, ordering Indomie and chicken. There’s a fresher among them willing to get knocked out. I see my chance as does 3 other guys but I take it because I’m faster. *Long Details omitted*We end up in a touch feely session on the gravel behind the club. Her female friends who were obviously brought along for support, arrange a search party and we r eventually foundL. We head back to school, drop the girls at their dorms before I crash down loudly on my bed to sleep.

Bachelor dreams

I see strippers, I see cars, I see a box of Cuban cigars. I see affluence, I see stars, I see a life far away from behind bars. She’s from Venus and I’m from Mars, so there’s no need for flowers or chocolate bars.

On a constant cereal diet, coming and going as I please, to each and everyone around me I know I owe no fucking fees. Call me a player, call me a pimp or call me a plain old tease; I’d much rather have no commitments whatsoever if you please.

Beer in hand, soccer on the screen, clothes on the floor, nothing’s kept clean. A life of sin, of rum and gin, the life on this side is much much green.

No burdensome husband and wife teams, No annoying little children screams, Loneliness in old age awaits me it seems, but I evade that by waking from my sweet bachelor dreams. J

Cheers 

Outer space continued......

The opposite of what they saw earlier, Malo chick, GiGantic Ass walks by. Fat-Ass is lost to the group by this time, they don’t know where the fuck he went. Commando smacks Froggy’s head calling him an idiot. There’s smoke in Skywalker’s throat like he had a chimney for a neck.

#NowPlaying, Baby when the lights go out by David Guetta.  Scene shifts as the band moves to Wamise bites in search of Fat-Ass. Dr.EF, the Muscle man is struggling for Fat-Ass’s biscuit. He dispossesses Fat-Ass who is found chilling for Indomie. “Who wants to be a millionaire” Hosted by Frank Edoho is playing on the TV. They leave Wamise and sight J sitting like an king while storyteller K sits by his side like his bodyguard. He’s probly spinning one of his bullshit tales about money, swag or other crap which is almost always a lie.

Commando intimidates Froggy 4 his drink as they walk back. Skywalker feels like he is in an army battalion heading for war even though they r just five in number. Commando intimidates Froggy’s once more. At this point, Flight seems to be achievable feat for Skywalker. Commando is still bullying Froggy.

Skywalker is like four steps back from everyone, Alien’s score on the Guevara game is 1, Skywalker 2, Commando 1, Froggy 0. Froggy threatens fire and brimstone if his name is not changed. R.A of dorm sees Skywalker and Froggy, Probly smelt it on them. Skywalker sees d look on his face. Hilarious.

David Guetta’s One love plays followed by Delirious as Froggy keeps threatening donuts and cupcakes while we head back to the room to cook Indomie. Lolzzzzz.

Skywalker is probably in hyper overdrive now…typing at speeds of 1234 miles per hour. Ok truthfully speaking though, it would have been at least 65 km per hour.
Skywalker  suggests that Froggy was faking his high after which he whispers “Estimated time of arrival at earth, 10 minutes and counting”.

Touchdown.

Cheers.

Outer space

Froggy chews the blaze instead of smoking it.  “Froggy! Do u think dis is a small white dick” screams Commando. “When you are not looking, I’m going to burn u with this cigarette”. Bulletproof by La Roux plays in the background.

Dem Aburoy boys still maintain their Aburoy mentality even in highness. Hugging the stuff like it’s the Holy Grail. Commando makes good on his promise and burns Froggy repeatedly, triggering a series of laughs. Skywalker with the coolest name of them all keeps screaming hey! cuz he had to stop Froggy from taking too much.

“Calm down Fat-Ass, it’s just Nonso not the DSA” says Commando; Fat-Ass was too fidgety like he didn’t know he would be the first to get caught if they had to run. It finally got to Skywalker’s turn; he was in slow mo for at least six seconds, felt just like he was kissing her again probly cuz he gets horny when he’s up there. 

One more time by Daft punk is next on the playlist. Skywalker found he could apply Ivan Pavlov’s conditioning theory here. One more time +Mary J = Conditioning. Since everyone was listening to One more time when high, he reasoned that  if this was repeated occasionally, a day would come when all he’d have to do is play One more time and everyone present would get high. Classical conditioning, period.

Daft punk’s Aerodynamic is on, Commando doesn’t like it. Skywalker gets really serious about Mary J passing him again. Froggy tries to discredit Skywalker’s thoughts, “I’m not saying rubbish Froggy…u re a demented fag” Skywalker says as  Froggy tries to stop Skywalker from writing it down.

Alien starts being a high slut by asking if he can light the last one even when they decide to wait for Fat-Ass. Fat-Ass was probly chatting shit at Wamise by now, one can only imagine. It reminded Skywalker of when they went to Capital land last semester.

Still on Daft punk, Around the world is next on the playlist. It is at this time Skywalker realizes that he is a Keyboard jockey when high. “As in, Fuck DJ Hitch, I’m KJ Skywalker” he murmurs to himself. Keyboard Jockeys rule. He does the Robot dance as Around the world fades out into Daft punk’s Robot Rock.

Some babes finally pass by, Skywalkerr was getting tired of the male bonding. It was getting too gay thanks to Froggy’s presence J. Froggy says that the girls are ugly and everyone knows y he said dat. FAG!. The group sights a “Small ass fresher”  according to Commando’s high gospel, who was accompanied by stupid fresher guy who thinks he’ll get lucky but will not unless he rapes the girl. This is cuz even if she does she want it, she has to have an excuse for giving it up.

By this time Skywalker is so buzzed he begins making X-ray hand signs..Even he doesn’t know what that means. Alien imposes his will on everyone by lighting the last spliff regardless of their smoky protests.

David Guetta – Love is Gone, Next on the playlist. Skywalker starts thinking that he and Alien should open a writing company…like magazine or some shit like that so people can follow their write-ups like on Twitter but for a price J. Commando thinks D’banj is the governor while talking about smoking and shitting.

Right now, It looked as though Skywalker was in a wrestling match with frontal gravity, the stuff was pushing his face backwards.

To be continued..................

I still want More!!

I don’t know why I keep doing this, I mean it’s over, c’est finis, but yet I still feel the pull. Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s something about her but ever since he found out, we’ve been thru the whole OMG-how-did-he-know?, the whole I’m-angry-I don’t-ever-want-to-speak-to-you! phase and the It’s-awkward-but-lets-still-be-friends phase. Yet, I still want to do it again.

I mean I should be able to stay away from occupied females by now right? Considering the fact that the last 2 didn’t end well for me. I’m no Casanova but somehow I find myself in these troublesome mixes, these triangles that always include me, the babe and the babe’s guy. Why cant I just have 1 normal good time with a normal, free babe or 2? It has to be the girl that has the guy and shit just gets unnecessarily complicated because I allow it.

Sure it’s fun in the beginning, you’re happy that the guy doesn’t see you as a threat but u were with his girl last night. U get that adrenalin rush from knowing that you’re being mischievous on purpose, U shake hands with the guy while smiling in your head  at the thought of what happened last night BUT!!! it always ends messy, trust me. 

You can’t rest easy, you feign smiles when shaking the guy’s hand and saying “how far”, you have to think carefully about what you say when you three are together in one place. And to top it off, relationships are strained when things eventually get out in the open even though you think they never will.

I would like to point out that I do not seek out these situations, they find me and I stupidly succumb but it’s the lure of brief pleasure and the secrecy that gets you and one way or another I get caught eventually.

This latest one almost went through perfectly but I’m still not sure how the cat got out of the bag ( I have an idea though). The truth is that the urge to confess is a pretty primal urge, a strong one at that. Even criminals have been known to confess their evil deeds to at least one person. The problem lies in whether the person you confess to can keep a secret.

Anyways, I should have learnt my lesson but I saw her today again, and I bent my head to the side murmuring “What would happen if I went at it again? Maybe one time before graduation wouldn’t really hurt anybody if I do it right this time”. J

Cheers

Rude Girl

RiRi just knows how to bring out the perv in me....i mean look at that ....I SOoooo Would!!! men, i Sooooo would. And then i 'd punch her in the face after ....Lolzz just kidding theres no Chris in my name :). Here she is performing "Rude boy" at the Echo Awards in Germany. Be sure to check out her sexiness in the "Rude boy" video.
Cheers

GeekRant Issue #2

Today was INF test 2 as some of you who read the previous rant might be aware of. However, there was none of that “fake conversation before test” thing I was ranting about earlier. Rather, I wrote the test with the aid of a Blackberry 8900 or the Javelin as it is fondly called.

I know, I know, I was being all self righteous in the previous post but now I’m as good as one of “them” BUT!!! I fended for myself. I stayed true to my principles people. I did not stir up some fake convo just because it was test time. Back to the issue though, It wasn’t completely helpful and I’d probably end up with an 80%.

 What is the point of today’s rant you ask?, well I discovered that (I’ve known this for ages though but let’s keep going), most people are of the opinion that “the academic certificates being issued to graduates in Nigeria are no more valuable than the pieces of paper on which they are printed”. (Aisha Nuraini, Minna, Nigeria). This is due to the nation’s notoriety at examination malpractice.

So what is examination malpractice? Good question. Examination malpractice generally refers to any behavior prior to, during or after the examination that makes life easier for the cheating candidate to passJ. As a result, the validity of the examination is compromised.

According to my somewhat accurate statistics gleaned from the internet, Examination malpractice in Nigeria has now reached alarming heights and attained levels of sophistication previously unimagined. It has evolved from the normal ‘giraffing’ you were used to and comfortable with in your primary school. At the secondary level, the trend has been to make use of key points, notes and text books, writing answers on palms, copying answers onto sheets of paper and tables. (This has been comically dubbed “desktop publishing”).

Moreover, it has now assumed a mafia like structure i.e a much more advanced and organized system that involves buying questions or pre-answered papers from examination officials entrusted with the safe-keeping of the examination question paper. Also included is the arrangement for ‘special’ candidates to enroll for and write your exam for a price and a host of others such as the one I made use of todayJ.

Exam bodies aiming to break the vicious cycle of exam malpractices must first start by eradicating that corrupt mindset that characterizes many of its officials as well as the students. Most individuals involved with exam malpractices do so as a result of two variables, namely intimidation or favor. It’s usually one or the other, pick your poison.

Exam officials should update their modes of surveillance in the exam halls. I don’t mean to brag but its getting too easy to pass nowadaysJ. They themselves should equally be placed under surveillance as they are sometimes part of the problem.

Who am I kidding? I totally <3 heart <3 this system, I get to chill and still pass, lolzz! But beware though; someone said “If you can’t do the time, be smarter @ committing the crime”. Boo me later.

Cheers.

The *A-List*

The A- Lister, that single individual that stands out from the rest of society, that guy or girl whose spot on the social ladder keeps getting higher the more you reach for it, that individual whose position u secretly envy but can do absolutely nothing about.

According to everyone’s favorite dictionary Wikipedia, “In popular usage outside the movie industry, an "A-list celebrity" simply refers to any person with an admired or desirable social status. In recent times, the term has given rise to any person, regardless of profession, in the limelight”.

They are present in every society, being idolized and worshipped by those on the lower lists. They are easy to spot in a crowd because contrary to what they might want, they will always be surrounded by a crowd. This crowd will most definitely include his or her one closest buddy, but for each one buddy, there are at least 250 well wishers struggling to be seen with the A-lister ,there to mooch off his or her fame and boost their own social standings by being associated with the A-lister.

With clear reference to the college environment, the A-lister is that kid with the mad shades that was born into money. He or she is the kid who goes on four day trips out of town during mid- semester by air, just because he or she needs a change of environment and worst case scenario, He or she could also be the athlete, rapper, cheerleader, stoner guy or girl that is always seen with the aforementioned kid with the shades.

They are a different breed from us on the B-List, C-List, D-List or Z-List. They have their own parties, ideals and views on life that others may find utterly absurd.

Occasionally, you find that one person trying so hard to get into the good graces of the A-lister who pretty much doesn’t give a fuck about your antics. Word of advice:It is best to refrain from such because the A-list mindset is a “what can u do for me for my seal of approval” mindset.

Not to be misunderstood however, A-listers can pretty much fend for themselves and you but the point here is you don’t chose to be the A-lister’s compadre, he or she chooses you. So quit trying so hard, its pathetic.

The public is fascinated by the A-list, everyone wants to know what they are up to next so they can replicate it in another environment where they themselves are regarded as the A-list. It’s funny how the apex of one man’s strength can be the starting point for another’s, the A lister in your area is the B-lister when he or she switches environments.

In essence, the A-list in any society are a fine breed of individuals that are not to be envied or hated on because you really don’t matter to them, they should rather be celebrated and we should hope that we can one day cease to remain on a list and join the ranks of the A-list. :)