I still want More!!

I don’t know why I keep doing this, I mean it’s over, c’est finis, but yet I still feel the pull. Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s something about her but ever since he found out, we’ve been thru the whole OMG-how-did-he-know?, the whole I’m-angry-I don’t-ever-want-to-speak-to-you! phase and the It’s-awkward-but-lets-still-be-friends phase. Yet, I still want to do it again.

I mean I should be able to stay away from occupied females by now right? Considering the fact that the last 2 didn’t end well for me. I’m no Casanova but somehow I find myself in these troublesome mixes, these triangles that always include me, the babe and the babe’s guy. Why cant I just have 1 normal good time with a normal, free babe or 2? It has to be the girl that has the guy and shit just gets unnecessarily complicated because I allow it.

Sure it’s fun in the beginning, you’re happy that the guy doesn’t see you as a threat but u were with his girl last night. U get that adrenalin rush from knowing that you’re being mischievous on purpose, U shake hands with the guy while smiling in your head  at the thought of what happened last night BUT!!! it always ends messy, trust me. 

You can’t rest easy, you feign smiles when shaking the guy’s hand and saying “how far”, you have to think carefully about what you say when you three are together in one place. And to top it off, relationships are strained when things eventually get out in the open even though you think they never will.

I would like to point out that I do not seek out these situations, they find me and I stupidly succumb but it’s the lure of brief pleasure and the secrecy that gets you and one way or another I get caught eventually.

This latest one almost went through perfectly but I’m still not sure how the cat got out of the bag ( I have an idea though). The truth is that the urge to confess is a pretty primal urge, a strong one at that. Even criminals have been known to confess their evil deeds to at least one person. The problem lies in whether the person you confess to can keep a secret.

Anyways, I should have learnt my lesson but I saw her today again, and I bent my head to the side murmuring “What would happen if I went at it again? Maybe one time before graduation wouldn’t really hurt anybody if I do it right this time”. J

Cheers